Review: Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzers

Alcoholic water isn’t a new thing, but Smirnoff’s entry into the market is bound to give “hard seltzer” a bigger presence on the shelf. Available in three “invigorating” flavors (with no artificial flavors added), the seltzers pack just 90 calories and 4.5% abv in each 12 oz. can. We tried all three. Thoughts follow.

Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer Orange Mango – Surprisingly fragrant, with both orange and mango notes distinct, particularly on first cracking open the can. On the palate, it’s rather mild and slightly sweet, but the significant, creamy fizziness give it a clean and fresh finish. Rather harmless. B

Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer Cranberry Lime – A low-cal cosmo as a fizzy drink? Here the berry notes come across on the strong side, and the sweetness is a little overbearing at times compared to the more subtle Orange Mango. Fans of sweeter sodas may find this more appealing than me. C+

Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer Watermelon – Watermelon is always a tricky flavor, and here it comes across largely as expected, a bit like Jolly Rancher candies melted down and mixed with fizzy water. The least nuanced of the group. C-

each $9 per six-pack of 12 oz cans / smirnoff.com

Review: Lord Calvert Canadian Whisky

I have to say, I was only interested in Lord Calvert, a budget Canadian whisky imported by Luxco, because it is now available in a limited edition decanter that looks like a dog with a dead duck hanging out of its mouth. 4500 of these, made in partnership with Ducks Unlimited and all filled with Calvert, are available for $100.

Or you can get a regular old bottle of Lord Calvert (pictured at right), which is now celebrating its 50th anniversary, for $11. Your pick.

Either way, Lord Calvert is made from a mix of rye, corn, wheat, and barley, aged three years. (36 months, to be specific, according to the label.)

The nose is initially innocuous, a little heavy on raw alcohol notes but otherwise quiet with modestly sweet granary notes. Breathe deep though and that alcohol really starts to dominate, taking on a plastic-like hospital character.

The palate doesn’t exactly sing, and though it offers some unusual evergreen and eucalyptus notes, the primary focus is on cereal, which is dusted with notes of mushrooms, sour cherries, and green beans, with more overtones of rubbing alcohol. The finish is short and fairly hollow. It’s got a bit of a random collection of flavors, to be sure, but let me say this: It’s nothing I’d feel unusual about while pouring out of a decanter shaped like a hunting dog.

80 proof.

C- / $11 / lordcalvertwhisky.com

Review: Seagram’s Ruby Red Grapefruit and Golden Apricot Vodka

Seagram’s has just kicked off two new vodka flavors, focused on fruit. Both are based on American grain distilled five times and are naturally flavored.

Both are 70 proof.

Seagram’s Ruby Red Grapefruit Flavored Vodka – Authentic and sharp on the nose, with bold grapefruit notes. On the palate, there’s candied grapefruit here, with quite a heavy sugar character backing it up. The finish is clean and relatively short, considering the sweetness inside. Probably not a bad choice as the base for a Greyhound or a Sea Breeze, or even to put a spin on a Cape Cod. B

Seagram’s Golden Apricot Flavored Vodka – There’s a vague fruit character here, but unlike the above it’s hard to peg as anything specific. Blind I might have guessed peach, or some kind of mixed citrus flavor. It’s tough to pick out particularly because the level of sweetness is downright overpowering. Amazingly, even all that sugar isn’t able to temper the heavy medicinal character, which claws roughly at the back of the throat. Probably fine if your punch calls for lots of fruit, but otherwise it’s not terribly versatile. C-

each $12 / infiniumspirits.com

Review: Bellion Vodka

bellion

I won’t rehash the science of Bellion — in a nutshell, it includes additives designed to protect your liver from damage related to alcohol consumption — what we turn our attention to is how this vodka, technically “vodka infused with natural flavors” actually tastes.

Results: Foremost, it is sweet, and unbelievably so. Bellion’s secret “functional” ingredient NTX is primarily a licorice extract, and Bellion tastes a lot like what I imagine it would be like to melt down a one-pound bag of black chewable licorice candies and pour them into a glass. Licorice vodka? Well, I happen to be a fan of licorice, and I can’t get too far into a single glass of Bellion. The only character it offers outside of super-sweetened licorice notes is a vague alcoholic astringency, nothing unusual for vodka but little more than a dull distraction in Bellion.

To be fair, Bellion was specifically created for mixing, and honestly I don’t know how anyone will consume it otherwise. Licorice cosmos, I guess?

80 proof.

C- / $30 / bellionvodka.com

Review: 2014 Apothic Inferno

383279

What hath Robert Mondavi wrought? Wines aged in whiskey barrels are following its lead and pouring out of the woodwork, the latest being this California blend, which is aged for 60 days in ex-whiskey barrels. The particulars of the whiskey are a mystery, as is the wine itself. Not that it really matters — no grape could withstand the assault of two months of heavily-charred ex-bourbon casks, though the zinfandelishness of this offering makes a strong case for that varietal.

Tasting notes are hardcore: Prune, dried red berries, wet leather, chewing tobacco, and pulverized dried figs. A big vanilla-heavy and maple syrup-infused sweetness hits hard on the lengthy and overpowering finish, reminding one of the whiskey casking the wine has undertaken. As for the 15.9% alcohol level, well, best not to think about that too much.

As trends go, this one has yet to make much of a positive impression.

C- / $12 / apothic.com

Review: Smirnoff Ice Electric Mandarin and Berry

smirnoff ice electric berry

Leave it to Smirnoff to invent a whole new category of booze. As it did with Smirnoff Ice, now the company as it it again with Smirnoff Ice Electric. Available at first in two flavors, Ice Electric is a non-carbonated beverage that comes in a resealable, 16-ounce plastic bottle. It looks like a Gatorade because it’s supposed to look like one, the idea being that you get hydration and a little buzz in a package that you can still take to the beach and sip on from time to time. The alcohol inside is non-carbonated malt liquor, which shouldn’t come as a surprise.

As with a real Gatorade, these are beverages better identified by color rather than ingredient, designed not to dazzle an audience but to liven up outdoor festivities. Do people care whether or not their fruity malt beverages are fizzy? I’m not sure… but I’m willing to at least give Ice Electric a try.

Both are 5% abv.

Smirnoff Ice Electric Mandarin – Tastes largely as expected, like orange Kool-Aid with a slightly bitter edge from the alcohol. Only semi-sweet, it is fortunately restrained on the sugar front, letting a lemon-lime character take hold on the finish. B-

Smirnoff Ice Electric Berry – The “blue” flavor. A general raspberry/strawberry mix, slightly sweeter but more artificial tasting than the Mandarin, and a bit funkier on the finish. It’s not really offensive, but like the Mandarin, not entirely memorable, either. C-

each $8 per 15.9 oz. bottle / smirnoff.com

Tasting Chenin Blanc – Vouvray vs. South Africa, 2016 Releases

vourvray

Chenin blanc is not a grape that people ooh and ahh over. Typically it’s the cheap wine on the by-the-glass list that you select only because you don’t drink chardonnay and you just don’t trust that New Zealand sauvignon blanc to be dry enough before dinner.

Chenin blanc is best known in its home in the Loire Valley, but it is also the most widely planted grape in South Africa. Once used exclusively to make semi-sweet wines, chenin blanc today is primarily a dry wine style, though the finished product can be quite variable… as we’ll find out in just a moment, as we explore both the Loire’s Vouvray region and South Africa, to see how chenin blanc styles have evolved in both of these areas. (Spoiler: It’s incredibly random.)

2015 Clos du Gaimont Vouvray AOP – A fresh and lively wine, offering notes of pineapple, mango, and coconut, all atop a brisk, moderate-to-highly acidic and vaguely floral base. The finish evokes clementine oranges, with hints of fresh peaches. A / $20

2013 Domaine Vincent Carême Vouvray Le Peu Morier – A very pungent wine, perhaps the opposite of the Paul Buisse above. This one showcases a sour face, with notes of white wine vinegar, green grass, and wilting flowers. The finish is tart and reminiscent of sherry. While there are elements of this wine that are enjoyable due to their uniqueness, on the whole it’s too overpowering for my palate. An extreme example of “old world” winemaking. C+ / $38

2015 Terre Brulee Le Blanc Swartland South Africa – Immediately flabby on the palate, with dominant notes of melon, green pepper, and some baking spice elements. It’s a bit of a hodgepodge of flavors, which might not be so bad, but the lack of any noteworthy acidity takes things out on a muddy note. C- / $16

2015 Indaba Chenin Blanc – A Western Cape wine, and an improvement over the Terre Brulee — better acid, with more interesting notes of grapefruit, mango, and white flowers. Altogether it’s a more classic chenin in structure that feels like it could be a lower-tier Vouvray. B+ / $11

-->