A certain high-profile executive would happily offer that Trump Vodka is the best vodka ever made. 200 times better than Grey Goose. At least. It’s right there on the bottle: “Trump: The World’s Finest Super Premium Vodka.” Apparently there was no additional room for “Duper” on the label.

Such hyperbole has become synonymous with the Donald Trump empire, one which now produces all manner of (sometimes cut-rate) stuff from suits to steaks.

Much to my chagrin I have to report that when it comes to spirits, whoever’s doing the dirty work for Trump knows his business. (It’s actually a long-running Dutch outfit called Wanders Distillery.) Distilled (five times) from wheat and bottled at 80 proof, it’s a traditional spirit that is countered by its gaudy packaging: Enormous gold Ts appear on the front and back of the thing. If ever a bottle was designed for Atlantic City, this is it.

Trump is not exactly the most complicated of spirits. It’s a very clean and almost weak vodka, with a hint of sweetness and a light medicinal tone that sets up a classic vodka profile. Not harsh by any stretch, I actually had trouble believing this was really 40 percent alcohol. Probably best as a mixer, Trump is easy to drink straight, though it’s hardly something to kick back and savor as you watch the sun set or the fireplace roar.

I’d give it a higher rating were it not for the silly high price. But then it wouldn’t be Trump, would it?

B+ / $33 / drinksamericas.com

Maybe if Vincent Van Gogh had had vodka like this he wouldn’t have had to cut off his ear.

Van Gogh makes a standard vodka, but it’s best known for its flavored offerings (it currently has 17 of them, plus a gin). The company recently sent a pack of five sample-size bottles for me to try. It’s unclear how much natural fruit is used in concocting these flavors vs. artificial additives, but I don’t know how much it matters in the end. As flavored vodkas, these Holland-born, 70-proof are all worth a try. Some are even exceptional. Here’s a little about each one.

Van Gogh Pineapple is instantly bursting with the aroma of fresh pineapple, and the taste is there too. The sweetness of pineapple cuts through the bite of the vodka pretty well, giving this a decent smoothness, hard to find in most flavored vodkas. Conceivably drinkable straight, this one excels in cocktails. A

Van Gogh Banana I was prepared to hate — banana-flavored drinks are rarely worth drinking — but this one surprised me. The taste of ripe banana is strong, but not overly sweet, a typical problem with banana booze. Not as good and as characteristic as the Pineapple, but still a solid spirit and well crafted for dessert drinks. B+

Van Gogh Pomegranate builds on the popularity of the antioxidant-filled fruit and bottles it up here. The aroma is nice, but the drink itself is a tad bitter, awfully cough-syrup like, a flavor which tends to go hand in hand with pomegranate (and why it always tastes better blended with, say, raspberry or mango. B

Van Gogh Acai-Blueberry learns from Pomegranate’s mistakes: Acai on its own is way too rough to drink straight (just ask the folks at VeeV, who added prickly pear and cherry to their spirit), and this blend with blueberry is pretty good. Blueberry is the stronger component here, which is probably for the best. B+

Van Gogh Double Espresso (subtitled “Double Caffeine”) is the only brown vodka I’ve consumed. Van Gogh claims it’s the “only FDA-approved vodka on the market today with the bold touch of double caffeine.” I have no idea whatsoever what that means, but it has a very strong coffee kick to it. Not like Kahlua or Starbucks liqueur, which are richer in coffee flavor but considerably less alcoholic, here you get the best of both worlds: A Black Russian, pre-bottled. If you’re looking for an easy shortcut for high-test coffee dessert drinks or drink White/Black Russians by the gallon, this is the spirit for you. A-

each $29 / vangoghvodka.com

With its black label and silver cap, Absolut 100 is an ominous spirit to face down, which probably explains why it’s been sitting on my kitchen counter for three weeks: It scares me.

100 proof of pure vodka, this is a higher-test version of the Absolut that everyone knows so well. Absolut’s characteristic heat is here, along with the hint of charcoal and herbal notes (likely thanks to the Swedish winter wheat from which 100 is distilled) that regular Absolut always offers. There’s a slight sweetness here, too, but not too much.

As for the 100 proof, it’s not nearly as overpowering as I feared it would be. Yeah, it’s too strong for drinking straight, unless you’re hosting some kind of who’s-the-biggest-man-drinkin’-firewater competition, but I suspect most bottles of 100 will end up in high-proof cocktails and knock-you-out oversize martinis.

That ain’t a bad thing.

B+ / $28 / absolut.com

Did you know: Skyy is the #4 vodka brand in the U.S.? I always thought Skyy was a west coast thing (they’re based here in S.F.), but I guess they’re really a powerhouse in the biz. With products like this one, it’s easy to see why.

Passion fruit, as flavors go, is invariably a big win. Putting it in vodka as a flavoring agent is a real no-brainer, and it’s surprising that fewer producers haven’t tried it already. (Though passion fruits are notoriously prone to shortages, so maybe there’s a raw material issue to deal with.)

Skyy Passion Fruit is one of five new infused vodkas Skyy is rolling out, bottled at 70 proof and flavored with “100% natural” real fruit. Vs. some other infused vodkas, it’s got a clearly cleaner flavor. Some citrus, and a mouthful of passion fruit. It’s a far cry from some of those harsh, chemical-tasting infusions on the market.

Splash in a little water and a few ice cubes and you could sip this straight. Of course, it shines far brighter in fruit-focused cocktails. Add cranberry juice, lemonade, orange juice… there’s pretty much no fruit juice on the planet that isn’t improved with a touch of passion fruit.

I love this flavored vodka and I’m sure it’ll find its way into innumerable cocktails this summer.

A- / $16 / camparigroup.com

In the pantheon of fruit, blackberry’s a pretty uncommon flavor, relegated to the wasteland somewhere between blueberry and plum. Is it a little odd then that Stoli’s latest infused creation used blackberry for its sweetness? Not at all, as it adds a unique spin to summer cocktails that you’re unlikely to get anywhere else.

As with most off-the-shelf infusions, Stoli Blakberi is a little harsh on its own, too tart and with a chemical aftertaste that’s tough to drink much of. Stoli’s not alone here, of course, and Blakberi’s clearly intended for fruity cocktails. There, it shines. With mixers the blackberry flavor comes through far more prominently, imbuing a drink with a more subtle berry flavor than you get with, say, Stoli Blueberi (though I like that flavor very much, too — in fact, it works well with Blakberi as a combo in cocktails).

Stoli Blakberi is pretty versatile, working with all kinds of mixers well. My favorite: A spiked blackberry lemonade (recipe below the bottle shot, scroll on down).

B+ / $20 / stoli.com

Spiked Blackberry Lemonade
4 blackberries
1 1/2 oz. Stoli Blakberi vodka
lemonade

Muddle blackberries in a tall rocks glass, add vodka, and fill with ice. Top up with lemonade and stir.

Omit the blackberries or sub in blueberries, raspberries, or other fruit if you don’t have them. Try adding a splash or two of Stoli Blueberi for a different twist.

With its sun-and-cloud logo and baby blue color scheme, what would you expect from the 80-proof Cirrus Vodka? Something light, summery, perhaps partly cloudy even.

Well you can’t judge a book by its cover nor a vodka by its bottle: Cirrus is serious stuff, heavy duty vodka that, if I didn’t know it was from Virginia, would swear was drawn from the teat of Mother Russia herself.

Crack open the bottle and get a whiff. No need to get up close, Cirrus fills the room with its aroma of medicine and rubbing alcohol promptly. Distilled from potatoes, old-school-like, Cirrus has an Old World structure from start to finish. It’s a little tough to drink straight. Lemon peel is there as is some herbaceousness, maybe flowers. But a moderate bitterness is a little rough on the finish, and the medicinal notes are heavy. It improves, surprisingly, as it warms up.

Fine in cocktails, I found it tough to enjoy straight. It’s also very hard to find, by the way, mainly in cities near Virginia.

B- / $22 / cirrusvodka.com

Another entry into the organic spirits universe, Rain (a product of Kentucky’s Buffalo Trace Distillery) is a widely available vodka that few will have trouble finding on store shelves.

Pull that eye-catching blue stopper from the raindrop-shaped bottle and a sweet, perfumy aroma fills the air. Rain’s odor gave me much promise, but the taste was a bit disappointing. The sweetness is in the flavor, surprisingly heavy with butterscotch, but it’s overpowered by grainy notes, surely a remnant of its basis in white corn, from which the spirit is distilled. The bite is hard: This tastes a lot tougher than 80 proof. But my real complaint is a strange chalkiness in the glass, literally a powdery texture to the vodka that had me wondering if there was something stuck to my tongue.

Works superbly in cocktails (and you can’t beat the price), but it’s not my favorite straight.

B / $16 / rainvodka.com

More proof to my theory that grapes make the best base for vodka arrives in the form of Swan’s Neck Vodka, an artisan spirit from French grapes distilled in copper pots and named for part of the alembic still used to make it.

Swan’s Neck is a very sedate vodka, smooth and silky, offering flavors that hint at white wine: Apple and grape, perfume with flowers. A slight bitterness mars the finish just a tad, unfortunately, but Swan’s Neck offers a taste of the earth, soul-satisfying in a good way, nut musky and stinky in the way that “earthy” often connotes.

In cocktails, Swan’s Neck shines as that bitterness fades away, leaving that apple/grape flavor to work with whatever mixers you add. It should work well in anything, really, but it should shine exceptionally in wine- or fruit-based cocktails.

Swan’s Neck is hard to find (and expensive when it’s found), but if you do, snap it up.

A- / $40 / swansneckvodka.com

It’s easy to see why Grey Goose has become one of the most successful new liquor brands in recent years. This is a fantastic vodka, smooth and lightly sweet, with a nutty nose and aftertaste that works well in cocktails and adds an interesting complexity when served straight.

Grey Goose is very mild, quite neutral on the whole. Maybe a hint of pepper, or citrus fruit, if you search for it. It’s also not too oily, even when ice cold, a common trait of virtually all vodkas.

And yet, for all its heralded luxury status, Grey Goose is not all that expensive. $27 compares well to some similar ultra-luxe brands and it tastes far better. Sure, I’d rather have Tito’s or Boomerang at about $16, but those are boutique bottles that you aren’t likely to find in the average bar. Grey Goose? It’s everywhere, and if you’re calling a vodka brand, this is one that merits the hype that surrounds it.

A / $27 / greygoose.com

Once again, it’s dessert drink time at Drinkhacker. This one’s inspired by the eponymous cookie.

Nilla Wafer
1 1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. white chocolate liqueur (I use Godiva White)
1/2 oz. Navan vanilla liqueur
1/4 oz. Damiana liqueur (a Mexican herbal liqueur)

Shake with ice in a cocktail shaker and strain into a cocktail glass. Rim the glass with sugar beforehand if you’re feeling ambitious.

Try adding 1/2 oz. of creme de banana liqueur for an additional twist.