Review: Monkey Spiced Rum

monkey rum spicedIt must happen to all of us. Zane Lamprey got so tired of drinking spirits that he figured he should just make his own. The result of that ennui with the drinking world is Monkey Rum (named for Lamprey’s stuffed monkey that is omnipresent on his televised boozing adventures), which is available in both Spiced and Coconut expressions.

We got the Spiced. The Coconut broke during shipping to Drinkhacker HQ.

Monkey gets its rum from Angostura in Trinidad, aged two to three years. It is then blended with cinnamon, vanilla, a hint of coconut, and “buttery caramelized flavors,” which I would take to mean caramel except that Monkey says that no caramel color is added to the product.

That said, Lamprey sure doesn’t lie about that buttery tasting note — right from the start, this is oily, gooey, unctuous buttered popcorn, injected with the essence of pure vanilla. Cinnamon is almost nonexistent, as the essence of melted caramels blended with pure, softened butter really takes center stage. That toasted coconut does make itself known on the finish, but otherwise stays hidden in the background.

Fans of deeply cinnamon- and clove-flavored spiced rums will find Monkey to be quite far afield. In fact, it’s a lot closer to a standard gold or aged rum than it is to Captain Morgan. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, that depends on your perspective. If you elect to drink spiced rum because of the spice, Monkey is a letdown. If you elect to drink it because of the rum, you might just be enchanted by this oddball novelty.

70 proof. No monkeys added.

B+ / $22 / monkeyrum.com

Review: Captain Morgan Cannon Blast

captain morgan cannon blastCaptain Morgan already has a vast command of bars around the world. Now the company is getting into the shot game with the launch of Captain Morgan Cannon Blast, “an intensely delicious shot” that comes in the cleverest packaging I’ve seen in years.

What’s Cannon Blast? “Caribbean rum with spice and natural flavors.” Isn’t that the same thing as Captain Morgan anyway? Turns out, no.

Cannon Blast’s nose is quite sweet, offering distinct notes of orange candies, a touch of cinnamon, and a bit of cherry — nothing particularly rum-like at all, actually. The body is extremely sweet — far beyond anything in a straight rum — with more of than orange candy note pervading the experience. Some mixed fruit elements come into play before the finish kicks in — pure cinnamon, and lots of it, adding a Fireball-like bite that comes on strong and lingers for at least a minute. This washes away most of the fruitier elements and leaves the drinker with quite a smoldering burn to contend with — for better or for worse. It’s not bad, but you’re definitively in “shot” territory — as intended — with all the ham-fistedness that comes with it.

As for the aforementioned packaging, Cannon Blast comes in a simulacrum of a cannonball and is etched with paint that fluoresces under black light. Shine one on the Captain and he turns into a creepy skeleton. That may not be a big deal at home, but up in da club it’s bound to help sell more than a few test tubes full of the stuff, at least in the hands of the right wench.

70 proof.

B / $16 / us.captainmorgan.com

Review: Squeal Go Pig Spiced Black Rum

squeal go pig rum

If nothing else: Points for a creative name.

Squeal Go Pig is a Colorado-produced spiced rum (it is produced by a private label distiller on behalf of the SGP folks), but apparently the “Go Pig” is optional. Just call it Squeal and you’ll be fine. It’s spiced, very dark rum — they call it black rum — though it’s unlikely this rum has significant age on it. No doubt, there is significant caramel color here.

The nose is surprisingly fresh — more brown sugar than deep molasses — with a slightly raisiny note that lends it a bit of a Port aroma (not a bad thing). On the palate it’s sweet but not overwhelming. Fruit jam hits the palate first — plums and cooked peaches — plus more raisin and prune character. The spice component is relatively underplayed, with the predominant notes of cloves and anise giving the rum a bit of the essence of sweet licorice candy.

It adds up to a dangerous combination — and one which doesn’t drink like an overproof spirit but rather a more easygoing one. Whoa, 90 proof? Better watch yourself or you really will “go pig or go home.” Oink!

90 proof.

A- / $29 / squealrum.com

Review: Far North Spirits Solveig Gin and Alander Spiced Rum

solveig ginYou’re a Minnesota-based craft distiller that names its products after Scandinavian words. For your first two products, what do you release? You nailed it: Gin and spiced rum, just what our friends from the north are known for!

Kidding aside, Far North (technically Får North, which would be pronounced “for north,” but never mind) produces craft spirits in some really beautiful, minimalist, Scanditastic packaging. While the company now boasts five spirits in its stable, here’s a look at the first two out of the gate.

Far North Spirits Solveig Gin – Pronounced soul-vai. Distilled from Minnesota rye and flavored with juniper, grapefruit, thyme, and other undisclosed botanicals. This is an update on our original review, which we removed when Far North said we received a bad batch of its gin tainted by problems from a bad water purifier. With round two, I’m not noticing any of the funky, methane-and-rubber characteristics I got in the bad batch. Rather, this bottle of Solveig is surprisingly light and almost tart on the nose — with notes of lemongrass, grapefruit, mixed florals, and white pepper coming to the fore. Some earthier elements emerge on the nose with time in glass. The juniper is dialed way back from start to finish, though; some gin drinkers may find this pushed too far into the citrus world, and some lavender notes, particularly strong on the body, are not going to be for everyone. But the fruitier elements are engaging and refreshing, just dusted a bit with perfume to take things to a clean and enchanting finish. 87 proof. B+ / $30

Far North Spirits Alander Spiced Rum – (oh-lander) Louisiana sugar cane spiced with vanilla, cinnamon, allspice, and cloves — plus a hint of espresso(!). This is a much more capable spirit, but it’s incredibly exotic for this category. Things start out with gentle sweetness before diving into some exceptionally sultry, savory spice notes. That espresso hits you immediately — more cocoa nib than ground coffee — while the cloves and allspice play a strong supporting role. The body is far more bitter than you might expect from a spiced rum, almost to the point of astringency at times. It takes some doing, but the finish manages to dial it back a bit. Here, gentle notes of sweetness finally re-emerge, the way a bite of too much cinnamon can initially be overwhelming but eventually settle down into something nostalgic and soothing. 86 proof. B / $30

farnorthspirits.com

Review: Ed Hardy “Most Wanted” Spiced Rum

edhardyrumbottle

Tattoo artist Don Ed Hardy was mentored by Sailor Jerry Collins… and some claim that Hardy has flown a bit too close to the sun, imitating Sailor Jerry’s style a bit too closely. Well, the detractors will have more to talk about with Ed Hardy rum, a spiced rum that looks on the surface, well, a whole lot like the rising star Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum, which was released in 2008.

Rest assured that, uncannily similar label appearance aside, Ed Hardy Spiced Rum is not a mere repackaging of Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum. For starters, Hardy — which does not indicate where it is made, how long it is aged, or what it is spiced with — is bottled at 70 proof vs. Jerry’s 92. That alone distinguishes these two rums, but the flavor profile is quite different, as well.

The spice feels drawn from orange peel, cloves, and cinnamon, but it’s a bit underdone and not really racy enough to stand out against a mixer. The rum is sweet enough — not on the scale of the densely caramel-focused Sailor Jerry — but the lower alcohol level makes it come off as a little watery on the finish.

Ed Hardy does have one thing on its side, though, and it’s that the low alcohol level means it’s relatively easy to sip on straight. Not that you’re likely to ever encounter this outside of a conjoining with a healthy slug of Coke and, probably, a red Solo cup, but in case you want the option…

70 proof.

B / $16 / edhardyrum.com

Review: Captain Morgan 1671 Commemorative Blend Spiced Rum

Captain Morgan 1671

Captain Morgan has been on a tear with new releases and special bottlings over the last few years. 1671 is its latest expression, a fancified version of the Cap’n that still comes in at just 20 bucks.

Captain Morgan 1671 is a St. Croix-based distillate that is crafted with a unique blend of spices and is finished “through Spanish Oak.” Unique or not, don’t go looking for any reinvention of Captain Morgan’s well-worn wheel here, as this rum sticks close to the standard Captain Morgan character.

The nose is appropriately cinnamon-focused, tempered with orange and caramel notes. Vanilla and cinnamon are present on the body, with some fruit finally picking up the rear. Orange notes hit first, with a surprising cherry character coming along in the finish. But that odd addition alone isn’t enough to make 1671 come across as particularly revolutionary. In fact, the 35% alcohol level of this rum does it a real disservice, leaving it feeling a bit watery at times.

1671 is a perfectly serviceable spiced rum, but it is unfortunately distinguished from standard Captain Morgain more by its fanciful bottle than anything unique going on inside of it. At this price, however, die-hard Cap’n fans will likely find enough to enjoy to merit giving it a place on the back bar.

70 proof.

B / $20 / captainmorgan.com

Review: Newfoundland Screech Rum, Spiced Rum, and Honey Rum

screech spiced rumWho woulda thought they’d name a rum after this guy?

In all seriousness… Back in the old days (like, yesteryear), Newfoundland-based sailors drank a lot of rum. They got their rotgut from Jamaica, and it didn’t even have a name. As the story goes, decades later an American WWII G.I. drank a slug of the unwatered-down rum while visiting and upon swallowing he gave off a howl of pain. The noise was described as “The Screech,” and the rum finally had its name.

Today, Screech Rum is still a partly Canadian product, sourced in the Caribbean as always and bottled in Newfoundland. A straight expression is available, along with a spiced rum and one flavored version. Thoughts on all three follow.

Newfoundland Screech Rum – Aged Jamaican rum, no age statement, with caramel color added (it’s quite dark in coloration). The nose is quite funky, with notes of well-burnt/almost-blackened sugar, charcoal, and beef jerky. On the tongue, things sweeten up, but it’s still easy to see how Screech got its name. Though this expression is far from barrel proof, it’s got a healthy amount of hogo to it, its overpowering burnt sugar notes somewhat balanced by some, well, non-burnt sugar. Not much fruit here, just secondary character of ash and smoldering lumber, and a dusky finish that lasts for ages. Definitely for fans of more rustic (yet aged) rum styles. 80 proof. B- / $17

Newfoundland Screech Spiced Rum – This is wholly different stock, made from Demerara rum from Guyana, aged 4 to 8 years. Spiced, with no sugar added. This is a compelling spiced rum. Again that burnt sugar character is strongest, with light vanilla and cinnamon notes coming up behind — almost French toast-like at times. Unlike the straight version, here at least those secondary elements stand a fighting chance. The smoldering finish of the straight rum fades as the spiced element grabs hold, giving this rum a considerably better balance on the whole — though it. 70 proof. B+ / $18

Newfoundland Screech Honey Rum – Why should whiskey have all the fun? Here’s a new idea: rum flavored with honey. This starts with the same aged Jamaican rum as above, then receives “natural honey flavor.” Coulda fooled me. The overall impact is more of a lemon-flavored rum, or some kind of lemon-honey amalgam. Either way, the rum is largely lost and the finished product comes off like some kind of liquified throat lozenge. 70 proof. C- / $18

screechrum.com