Category Archives: Rated D/F

Review: Twisted Pine Ghost Face Killah

Touted as “the hottest beer this side of Hell,” Twisted Pine’s Ghost Face Killah takes a style of beer unknown to many (chile beers) and smashes any semblance of tame spice. Ghost Face Killah is brewed with six different types of peppers – including Anaheim, Fresno, Jalapeno, Serrano, and Habanero – but the calling card (and allusion to its name) is the inclusion of the Bhut Jolokia / Ghost Pepper. For those who don’t know, the Ghost pepper is about 170 times hotter than a jalapeño and 8.5 times hotter than a habanero and is more commonly used as a weapon within hand grenades and pepper spray than an actual culinary ingredient. Full disclosure: I am not much of a spice lover… When wanting to actually enjoy my food, the hottest I’ll go is probably Tabasco Habanero in terms of commonly available sauces, though I always enjoy trying spicier offerings.

Straight out of the bottle this couldn’t look less unassuming as it appears much like a mass-marketed light lager would with a pale yellow body and relatively meager head and retention. It is even surprisingly clear despite having a wheat base to it. It isn’t until you get your nose closer to the glass that you remember that this isn’t just any beer. A smorgasbord of chili and vegetal matter fills the aroma and obviously it is predominantly spicy, with the habanero and jalapeno surprisingly easy to pinpoint (although if I were more familiar with the other varieties here, it’d probably be possible to target them as well). I get maybe just the slightest notion of wheat and citrus, but I can’t say for sure if it’s my imagination or not.

This isn’t my first beer brewed with chili peppers, so I’m not exactly a stranger to heat in beers, but the first thing that comes to my mind when drinking this is “wow.” I don’t even have time to actually swallow my first sip before the heat kicks the door down. While other beers are a bit more subtle about it, the image on the label should tell you what this beer is all about. Any salvation the wheat could promise is swept away along with my tastebuds. The positive about this beer is that you can actually taste the peppers, although they sort of blend together rather than being easy to distinguish. But I hope you like heat because that and some pepper is all you’re getting here.

The impression left on the palate after this is both impressive and terrible. Impressive that such a small sip of this beer can leave such a lingering effect on the tongue and throat, and terrible because said effect is a vast amount of burning and numbing. The impression of this isn’t just a mouthfeel, but also a chestfeel and bodyfeel as even your extremities feel the power of the ghost pepper.

This is a beer in which a little goes a long, long way. I’ve had this glass in front of me for almost 30 minutes and I probably drank maybe 3 oz. The heat is intense, but after letting it mellow on the mouth, it gradually fades into a dull heat throb which isn’t so bad, actually. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine drinking a whole bottle of this solo. I am probably going to put the rest back into the bottle and either cook with it or disinfect the bathroom.

5.0% abv.

D+ (A for originality) / $3.50 per 12oz bottle / twistedpinebrewing.com

Twisted Pine Ghost Face Killah Review: Twisted Pine Ghost Face Killah

Review: Dr. McGillicuddy’s “Intense” Schnapps

I am starting to question this “Doctor’s” medical credentials. Apple Pie Schnapps? Hmmm, color me suspicious.

Designed as “party shots,” Dr. McGillicuddy’s offers a range of traditionally flavored Schnapps… plus these four new modern additions. We braved our way into the quartet (in this order) with as open a mind as possible.

All are 42 proof.

Dr. McGillicuddy’s Apple Pie Intense Schnapps – Color me impressed. It really smells and tastes of fresh apple pie. Light and sweet, plenty of apple and cinnamon notes, and no burn at all. “Intense” it isn’t; rather it’s quite mild. I’ve actually tried apple pie flavored liqueurs before, and this one is easily the best one I’ve had to date. A-

Dr. McGillicuddy’s Wild Grape Intense Schnapps – Looks just like grape Kool-Aid. But on the tongue, it’s incredibly muddy. This is wild, but hardly grape. Flavors of burnt sugar and chemicals dominate. D

Dr. McGillicuddy’s Root Beer Intense Schnapps – Authentic root beer nose. The body, very sweet, like a can of A&W, and almost refreshing. The finish is a bit on the cloying side, but otherwise root beer nuts will find this a winner. B

Dr. McGillicuddy’s Ice Mint Intense Schnapps – Smells awfully minty, with promise. Sadly, tastes like toothpaste. C-

each $10 / drmcgillicuddy.com

Dr. McGillicuddys Schnapps Review: Dr. McGillicuddys Intense Schnapps

Review: Simply Naked Wines

Wine and wood go hand in hand, but Simply Naked’s experiment takes the oak out of the equation. All of these wines are fermented and aged in stainless steel. For some of these wines, like Pinot Grigio, that’s normal. Chardonnay: OK. But Merlot and Cabernet? Interesting experiments.

Here’s how the wines — all budget bottlings from a melange of California fruit — stack up.

2010 Simply Naked Unoaked Pinot Grigio California – Lively and fresh, as Pinot Grigio really has to be. Lemon (or lemongrass) notes, surprisingly fruit-forward, lightly honeyed body, and short finish. As good as any bottle of Santa Margherita. B+

2010 Simply Naked Unoaked Chardonnay California – Honey and lemon notes here, with a moderately big body. A little big funky on the finish, with almonds, nougat, and other odd characters not typical of your average Chardonnay. B

2010 Simply Naked Unoaked Merlot California – Wow, not at all what I wanted. This is a young, astringent, and ultra-sweet wine that, rather than letting the fruit shine, plays down its natural strengths. Sharp and unflattering. D

2010 Simply Naked Unoaked Cabernet Sauvignon California – About the same, quality-wise. Musty and biting, with funky plum/prune-jam, vegemite, and yeast notes. No. D-

about $8 each / cwinesus.com

Simply Naked Family Review: Simply Naked Wines

Review: Alex Elman Wines

Sometimes the wines we get aren’t our favorites. But we review them anyway, especially when the story behind them is so lovely.

This line of inexpensive whites and reds from Argentina are created by a young, blind winemaker (Alex Elman, of course) and are produced sustainably (and affordably). The inaugural releases arrive this month on U.S. shelves.

2010 Alex Elman Torrontes Mendoza – Nice, lemony nose, but the body is green, weedy, and unripe. C

2010 Alex Elman Chardonnay Mendoza – Overly buttery, which saps the fruit (evident in the nose) from the palate. Some melon and more lemon charms here, but nothing that will bowl you over. C+

2009 Alex Elman Cabernet Sauvignon Mendoza – Thin and a little weedy, lots of meat and smoke character. Not great. D+

2009 Alex Elman Malbec Mendoza – My favorite of the bunch, which is fitting considering Malbec is essentially Argentina’s national grape. This one has real fruit character, plummy and slightly jammy. Easygoing finish and, at last, balanced. B+

$13 each / aewines.com

alex elman collection wine Review: Alex Elman Wines

Tasting Report: Red Wines of Chile

Recently I had the opportunity to attend a live, online tasting event featuring the red wines of Chile. While Chile is primarily known as Cabernet country, I was surprised to find that it is home to several other widely-planted grapes. Its Pinot Noirs shocked me with their sophistication and quality. Its Syrahs, however, were another story…

Eight wines were tasted. Here’s how they shook out.

2009 Valdivieso Reserva Pinot Noir – A solid Pinot. Bright cherry fruit, tart with good acid. Light body, solid flavor, exactly what a good, new world-style Pinot should be. A- / $17

2009 Vina Casablanca Nimbus Estate Pinot Noir - Bolder, with a fuller body but just as much fruit as the Valdivieso. Some lightly smoky and tobacco notes. Also enjoyable, though the finish is a little too herbal to stand up to the fruit in the wine. B+ / $20

2009 Veramonte Ritual Pinot Noir Casablanca Valley - Similar tone to the Nimbus, perhaps a little smoother and more refined. Balanced, with interesting eucalyptus and evergreen notes in the finish. A- / $20

2008 Cono Sur Ocio Pinot Noir Casablanca Valley – Intense and jammy, rich, Zinfandel-like body combined with tart, black cherry character. Disarming, and imminently drinkable, but the massively tart and slightly bitter finish gives it a rough conclusion. B+ / $65

2009 Tamaya Syrah Limari Valley Reserva – The first miss of the evening, a Syrah with off menthol notes, skunky earth, and burned wood. Off finish. D+ / $18

2006 Loma Larga Syrah Bk-Bl Casablanca Valley – Bitter green pepper notes, overwhelming bitterness in the finish. Earthy to a fault. Unpleasant. D / $29

2009 Underraga T.H. Syrah Leyda Valley - Better, showing a little of what Chilean Syrah can be: Dark black fruit with intense herbal notes. Still, the balance is wrong and the finish is off, but the intensity marks a good effort. C+ / $25

2009 Hacienda Araucano Reserva Syrah Francois Lurton Lolol Valley – Dark chocolate character meats bitter, earth, and meat notes. Tolerable, but far too intense, with a bracing (not in a good way) finish. C- / $13

Review: Hangover Gone (aka Hang On)

I’m not saying I had a hangover, I’m just saying that perhaps the words “another bottle of Slovenian* wine” aren’t necessarily a good idea.

Another shot-based hangover remedy, Hangover Gone — “Powered by Cysteine” — claims to cure your hangover in “three phases.” First it helps to metabolize acetaldehyde, “alcohol’s main and most toxic byproduct.” Second it uses glucose to “provide the extra fuel needed for cellular metabolization.” And third it uses a blend of herbs and vitamins — milk thistle, artichoke, goji berry, and ginger extract, plus Vitamins, C, E, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Niacin, B6, Folate, B12, Pantothenic Acid, and more — to “rid the body of harmful toxins.”

The delivery vehicle is the now-well-known 2 ounce shot, served at room temperature. The taste is unpalatable in the extreme, a dark (sour, it says) cherry cough syrup sweetened to within an inch of its life. I am baffled by this approach to hangover remedies: When you’re not feeling so great after a night out, the last thing I want to do is put an even worse taste in my mouth.

Sadly, Hangover Gone didn’t do much for my post-Eastern-bloc-originated wine flu. It wasn’t until I took some Advil that the situation started to improve but, as is always the case with products like this, individual mileage will likely vary considerably. For me, though, Hangover Gone just didn’t live up to its goals. Or its name.

* It could have been Estonian. I keep getting that wrong.

D / $3 per 2 oz. shot / hangonshot.com

hangover gone Review: Hangover Gone (aka Hang On)

Review: Hannah Nicole Wines

Contra Costa County in the San Francisco Bay Area includes Oakland… as well as, apparently, a good number of vineyards. Hannah Nicole, in “the shadows of Mount Diablo,” is a relative newcomer to the business. We tasted four of the winery’s recent releases.

2009 Hannah Nicole Sauvignon Blanc Reserve Contra Costa County – 12.5% Viognier in this bizarre wine does little to improve it: Unusual for Sauvignon Blanc, it is barrel aged, which adds an unfortunate wood/vanilla/butter character to what is normally a crisp and lively wine. Here the wine is wholly out of balance and doesn’t work at all, not with food or alone. D / $22

2009 Hannah Nicole Viognier Contra Costa County – Very mild Viognier, an easygoing expression of the grape — actually 90% Viognier and 10% Sauvignon Blanc Musque. Mild perfume character plays nicely with the easygoing peach and apricot flavors in the wine. Simple, not bad. B+ / $18

2007 Hannah Nicole Merlot Reserve Contra Costa County – Unripe, dusty, and overly harsh on the palate. Has a Zin-like jamminess that is at odds with the silky smoothness that defines good Merlot. C / $29

2007 Hannah Nicole Meritage Contra Costa County – 49% Merlot, 34% Cabernet Sauvignon, 12% Petit Verdot, 4% Cabernet Franc, and 1% Malbec. A classic Bordeaux blend. More successful than the Merlot Reserve, but unremarkable. On the jammy side, but has enough character to it in the form of plum, cocoa, and herbal notes to make it of moderate interest. B- / $29

hnvwines.com

Review: 2008 & 2009 Mouton Cadet and Cadet d’Oc Wines

Now on its 80th year, Mouton Cadet is a venerable budget label from the venerable Baron Philippe de Rothschild. (If your supermarket carries any French wine, it’s probably this.)

The brand is now extending the line but instead of blending a selection of grapes, traditional with all Bordeaux wines, the new Cadet d’Oc wines (pictured) are 100% varietal wines sourced not from Bordeaux but from the Languedoc region.

All feature rock-bottom pricing: $9.99 a bottle.

2009 Mouton Cadet Blanc White Bordeaux – 65% Sauvignon Blanc, 20% Semillon, and 5% Muscadelle. Lemony, with clear, unripened melon notes. A little fuzzy on the finish, but perfectly palatable and easygoing. B+

2008 Mouton Cadet Rouge Red Bordeaux – 65% Merlot, 20% Cabernet Sauvignon, and 15% Cabernet Franc. Bitter and rough, as difficult as the Mouton Cadet Blanc is simple and easy. Not a winner. D+

2009 Cadet d’Oc Chardonnay - An efficient Chardonnay, lightly oaked and crisp with apple notes. The finish is a bit off but for the price it’s certainly good enough for a weekday dinner. B+

2009 Cadet d’Oc Cabernet Sauvignon - Exactly what you’d expect from a $10 imported Cab, jammy and smoky with wood notes — probably some shortcuts in the aging here. Some fine plum character at its core, but there’s too much greenery and vegetable notes to make it anything more than not unpleasant. C+

each $10 / moutoncadet.com

Review: 2008 and 2009 Monthaven Boxed Wines

Monthaven’s 2008 Chardonnay didn’t exactly impress us.

Today the company is back to try again with its 2009 release, plus two new reds from the 2008 vintage, all served up in convenient 3 liter boxes.

Yes, that’s 9 liters of wine. No, we did not drink it all. (Not possible.)

2009 Monthaven Chardonnay Central Coast is at least better than the 2008. Young and with minimal oaking, it’s pretty easy-drinking, and not overly imbued with any particular character. Apple notes are light and fruity, with a little hint of pineapple and some wood in the finish. Passable. B-

2008 Monthaven Merlot Central Coast is undistinguished in nearly any way. Watery and thin, it tastes unbelievably young and without any body or character beyond very simple cherry fruit. Harmless. C

2008 Monthaven Cabernet Sauvignon Central Coast is the worst of the lot. Incredibly green, it is embarassingly young, racy with the paradox of both unripe berry and raw raspberry juice notes. Tastes extremely cheap. A hard sell, to say the least. D+

$20 per 3L box / octavinhomewinebar.com

Review: Southern Comfort Lime

It says on the bottle: “The classic reinvented.”

I suppose Southern Comfort is a classic. It’s got its own well-established nickname — SoCo — and the peach liqueur is called for in more cocktail recipes than you’d think.

What then to make of Southern Comfort Lime? Take some sweetened lime juice (like Rose’s) and add it to SoCo and you’ve got SoCo Lime. Imagine that SoCo sweetness plus the overwhelming tartness of lime juice.

It tastes like it sounds: Not really pleasant at all.

OK, I’m being charitable. The aroma alone is nauseating, and in your mouth it tastes like jet fuel. The lime is over-the-top, and that saccharine SoCo burn is overwhelming, redolent of menthol and gasoline. SoCo suggests drinking this on the rocks, but that’s a fool’s errand. Perhaps with lots of soda or ginger ale this could be palatable, but even that sounds like madness when much better mixing spirits are available. SoCo Lime is simply a bad idea. I don’t want to heap insult atop injury, but, seriously, if you need lime-flavored SoCo, I’m begging you: Buy a lime.

55 proof.

D- / $18 / southerncomfort.com

Southern Comfort Lime Review: Southern Comfort Lime