Category Archives: Mixers

Review: ResQwater Peach and Pomegranate

Once a sweetened but otherwise unflavored hangover remedy, ResQwater now comes in flavors.

Much like, say, a bottle of Vitamin Water, the flavoring part is pretty mild, giving the new ResQwater a pale, pastel complexion. The flavoring doesn’t appear to have any basis in actual fruit — aside from “natural flavors” — and, more importantly, the fructose sweetener from the clear version has been jettisoned in favor of sucrose (aka table sugar), giving a full 16 oz. bottle 100 calories.

The taste is somewhat improved over the original — the pomegranate is a little tastier than the somewhat cloying peach — and the consistency is improved. Fructose always lends a gummy texture to beverages, but here the ResQwater is smoother and more refreshing. In other words, if you find yourself stricken with a hangover, you should find the flavored version of ResQwater easier to knock down.

B / $12 for four 16-oz. bottles / resqwater.com

resqwater flavors Review: ResQwater Peach and Pomegranate

Review: Bossa Nova Juices

Bossa Nova juices are now well entrenched among the Odwallas and Naked Juices of the world. These 80% to 100% juice blends — all heavy on superfruits and antioxidant-laden goodness — come in right-sized, ergonomically-shaped, 10 oz. bottles. Many of the blends are 100% juice, but some are sweetened with agave nectar to improve the palate.

Here’s how the six juices we tasted out of the lineup shake out.

Bossa Nova Acai Original - Tart, and a little gummy. Not a wonderful flavor, sort of like cherry juice mixed with grape. OK in a pinch, but hardly stellar. B

Bossa Nova Acai with Mango - Sounds like a winning combination, but it’s just too sweet. Like the Acerola version, though, it’s on the light side. B

Bossa Nova Acai with Blueberry - At 80% juice, it’s got the most additional stuff of anything in the line, and for good reason — blueberries are great in moderation, but blueberry juice is overpoweringly tart. This is no different; despite the doctoring it’s too tough to drink. B-

Bossa Nova Acerola with Red Peach - Light flavor, with mild peach notes. Also adds (exciting!) red dragonfruit. A-

Bossa Nova Mangosteen with Passionfruit - Tastes like a smoothie and looks like one, too. Also includes guava and red peach juice, giving this an exotic, Hawaiian kick to it. Overall very good and a pleasure to drink. A winner. A

Bossa Nova Mangosteen with Dragonfruit – Has a bit of a fruit punch character to it, probably due to the addition of both sweet and sour cherry juices. The finish is a bit cloying. B-

$3 and up per 10 oz. bottle / bossausa.com

Review: Cordina Mar-Go-Rita Wine Cocktail

cordina mar go rita Review: Cordina Mar Go Rita Wine CocktailThe mercury has topped 90 in San Francisco today, and in a city with no air conditioning, that means retreating to whatever means necessary one can dig up to stay cool.

Cordina’s goofily-named Mar-Go-Rita has been in my freezer for weeks, so what better time than now to bust it out.

What is it? Imagine a kid’s metallic Capri Sun packet, with an oversized hole for the straw. But don’t refrigerate: Freeze it. The insides turn slushy, not unlike the stuff that comes out of one of those machines behind the bar at your favorite tourist trap. You drink it right out of the pouch, or squeeze it into a glass if you’re feelin’ fancy.

What exactly is a “wine cocktail?” The base of the Mar-Go-Rita isn’t tequila but “agave wine,” which is fermented, not distilled, to 48 proof instead of 80 proof. Cordina doesn’t say what the rest of the cocktail is, except that it has no artificial flavors or colors, but the resulting juice is 8% alcohol (16 proof).

The final product: Not bad, actually. It does indeed taste a lot like a chain-restaurant slushy drink, overly sweet-and-soured, tart, but with a distinct tequila-like bite to it. Fine for a blazing hot day, but hardly a classic margarita you’d make at home.

If nothing else, it’s way better than this stuff, which has basically the same idea.

B / $3.39 per 375ml pouch / bigeasyblends.com

Review: El Jimador “New Mix” Tequila Cocktails

“New Mix” is not a slogan stuck on the can of El Jimador’s ready-to-drink tequila cocktails. It’s the actual name of the product: New Mix.

Hugely popular in Mexico, New Mix now comes in five flavors. We’ve had the first three flavors sitting in the fridge literally for months, and finally we are getting around to cracking them open to see what all the fuss is about. (We’re still not sure.)

Each is 5 percent alcohol and is made with actual tequila. The drinks are lightly carbonated.

Thoughts in each follow.

El Jimador New Mix Margarita looks like a lemon-lime soda, and frankly tastes like it too. The fizzy concoction is solid soft drink up front, then you get that tequila bite in the finish. There’s not much of it, but it’s noticeable. That said, this tastes almost nothing like a margarita (with none of the flavor of triple sec that it claims to have), but a lot more like a Seven-and-Tequila, but I guess that wouldn’t look as good on the label. C

El Jimador New Mix Paloma – A paloma is traditionally a grapefruit juice and tequila cocktail, and this rendition does at least smell like grapefruit when you crack open the can. The flavor is a little funkier than that, though — less grapefruit and more of a canned fruit salad. Less tequila bite than the margarita New Mix, which in this case is not a great thing. C-

El Jimador New Mix Spicy Mango Margarita – It’s not an orange crush in that can, it’s a spicy mango margarita! El Jimador radically overreaches here, pulling off something that is more reminiscent of Red Bull than anything that bears resemblance to spice, mango, or margarita. No idea where this one came from or why it exists. D

eljimador.com


Review: The Bitter Truth Bitters Lineup

Hey Mr. Sheriff, there’s a new gun in town in the bitters category. Called The Bitter Truth (get it?), this brand hails from Germany and now spans eight types of bitters.

The house style is, how shall we put it, bitter. Strong on the bitterness, less of a focus on the fruit or other components of the mix. In fact, The Bitter Truth’s lineup is stronger in the bitterness category than any other bitters brand I’ve tried; I recommend a relatively light hand when mixing drinks with these, but while the overall line has some winners and losers, in the right concentration they can all be pretty good.

We tried six of the eight bottles in the lineup. Comments follow.

The Bitter Truth Aromatic Bitters – Very strong, with a root beer attack and a very bitter finish. Angostura is sweeter and easier going, while Fee’s Aromatic has more of a soda pop feel to it. Angostura remains my clear favorite here. B

The Bitter Truth Creole Bitters – A direct alternative to Peychaud’s bitters, and quite similar if you can get the quantity right. Again, they’re considerably more bitter, however, with a sort of burnt aftertaste. B

The Bitter Truth Orange Bitters – Comparable to Fee’s Orange, with a big orange peel character and a strong, bitter finish. B+

The Bitter Truth Lemon Bitters – The biggest departure from the competition: Fee’s is hugely sweet, while The Bitter Truth has an intense citrus peel bitterness. This would be incredibly different in a cocktail — and I actually prefer this one to Fee’s. B+

The Bitter Truth Grapefruit Bitters – Bitter Truth’s version has virtually no grapefruit character to it at all and is mostly forgettable. Fee’s has a good balance of fruit with a bitter edge. C-

The Bitter Truth Xocolatl Mole Bitters – Alas, I have no other chocolate bitters for comparison. Interesting hints of chocolate and cinnamon on first blush, then quickly overpowered by a bitter conclusion. Interesting, but not sure where or how I’d use this one. B-

the-bitter-truth.com

the bitter truth bitters Review: The Bitter Truth Bitters Lineup

Review: Regatta Ginger Beer

The ginger beer Renaissance continues, with newcomer Regatta joining the fray as another solid alternative on the market. Not as full of bite (or little chunks) as Fever-Tree, it’s a sweeter brew that can be consumed in a cocktail or on its own. The ingredients include fructose, ginger extract, and a variety of gums and such, but the impact on the whole is pretty good.

Available in 12 oz. bottles and single-serve-sized 8 oz. cans, the ginger bite is modest but present, and the sweetness isn’t overdone. Good balance, on the whole, though the finish is a little odd, with a lingering aftertaste that feels perhaps a little chalky.

A nice ginger beer for those who can’t handle the burn.

UPDATE: Regatta in cans has always been sweetened with cane sugar, not fructose, and the company is also now switching its bottled product to cane sugar as well.

A- / $2 / regattagingerbeer.com [BUY IT HERE]

regatta ginger beer Review: Regatta Ginger Beer

Review: Unwind Citrus Orange Relaxation Beverage

Unwind is another entry into the budding “relaxation” beverage category, imbued with additives designed not to pump you up (or get you drunk) but to knock you out after a long day.

Unwind counts among its ingredients valerian root, rose hips, acai, goji berry, passion flower, and that age-old calming standby, melatonin (with a whopping 3mg per 16-oz. can; the amounts of the other additives aren’t disclosed). It’s a relatively small ingredient list (not including the various B vitamins therein), and available in three flavor, citrus orange (reviewed here), pomegranate, and grape.

The flavor fortunately doesn’t outgun the bright orange color. The taste is fairly mild, more like a Tang than an orange drink, though the fizz feels strange in a late-night beverage, almost more like an Alka-Seltzer than a Coke. Overall, it’s not unpleasant. It’s also relatively low in sugar — 12 grams per can, which gives you just 50 calories.

After putting away about half a can (really, what more can you ask of me, people?), I’m feeling reasonably relaxed. I’m not exactly tired but I could certainly go to sleep if I was prodded in that direction.

One question before I nod off: For something you’re supposed to drink before bed, what’s the idea of putting this in a 16 ounce can? What restful sleeper wants to have to get up in the middle of the night to pee?

Update: Now available in 12 oz. cans (thanks to this review, by the by), and two additional flavors, goji grape and pom berry — the latter being my favorite of the trio.

B / $55 (shipped) per 24-pack of 16 oz. cans / frontierbeverage.com

Unwind Orange Review: Unwind Citrus Orange Relaxation Beverage

Review: Whipahol Whipped Lightning

Sadly we don’t have a category for this: Alcohol-infused, flavored whipped cream.

That crazy conjecture is what Whipahol’s Whipped Lightning is: Flavored cream (and it is cream, not non-dairy topping), injected with alcohol and compressed air to fluff it up. It’s available in nine flavors, none of which are “whipped cream.”

That’s because you need flavoring to cover up the heavy, heavy alcohol character here. 36.5 proof doesn’t sound like much, but for some reason in whipped form it’s overbearing. Dip a tiny tip of a spoon into Whipped Lightning to taste it and you’re likely to grimace from the Sterno-like alcoholic burn.

The idea of course is that you spray this stuff atop your Bailey’s or chocolate-flavored novelty shot (or, who knows, take it to the beach for co-ed betting purposes), making the drink’s presentation all the better while spiking the alcohol content further. Ultimately it’s more for show than for anything it adds to the flavor of a cocktail.

Mileage varies considerably for each flavor. Of the six versions I tried, Spiced Vanilla was the easiest to handle, while Tropical Passion was my least favorite of the bunch. To be sure, all the varieties are relatively muted when it comes to the flavors printed on the canister. In all forms, alcohol is the primary characteristic, and any secondary flavoring agent takes a backseat. A chemical aftertaste is common, which I suspect is due mainly to both the alcohol and the propellant.

I’m not giving this one a rating; the idea is too brain-addling to even fathom one. And yet, if you’re really out-there with your mixology and abuse to your liver (refrigeration is not required nor even recommended), why not keep a can on hand. You know, for kicks?

$10 per 375ml can / whippedlightning.com

Tropical Passion whipped lightning Review: Whipahol Whipped Lightning

Review: The Cedar Door Mexican Martini Mix

As a longtime Austin resident, I cut my teeth on Mexican Martinis, a variant on the Margarita which uses a little more tequila, a little more triple sec, and an olive garnish. Served on the rocks or on the stem — and typically with another drink in a small shaker placed next to your glass.

The debate will likely rage forever on whether The Cedar Door or Trudy’s, both Austin landmarks, is the true “home” of the drink — but The Cedar Door is upping the ante on the argument by releasing its own Mexican Martini mix, a 34 ounce bottle of yellow stuff to which you add tequila, triple sec, and a little lime. Change up the recipe and you’ve got a Margarita if you prefer. Both are printed on the side of the bottle.

Now I’m a skeptic who wouldn’t normally use any premade mix to make a drink, but I have to give The Cedar Door some credit here: Despite the scary color, this stuff is quite good, not too sweet like so many Margarita mixes, and not at all saccharine. The resulting drinks have the right balance of sweet and sour and they taste completely fresh (and the color of the finished drink is right, too). I daresay the Mexican Martini version, complete with a gaggle of olives, is the best way to go here. It’s like a blast from the past. Serve on a hot day. With chips and salsa, please.

Refrigerate after opening.

A- / $6 per 34-ounce bottle / cedardooraustin.com

cedar door Mexican Martini Review: The Cedar Door Mexican Martini Mix

Review: Crunk!!! Energy Drink and Energy Stix

We have Drank, why not have Crunk!!! too?

While “crunk” is technically a combination of “crazy” and “drunk,” Crunk!!! (yes, three exclamation points) contains no alcohol. It is rather another energy drink loaded with caffeine, inositol, green tea leaf, damiana, licorice, guarana, l-tyrosine, horny goat weed, ginkgo biloba, ginseng, grape seed extract, skull cap, white willow, and (whew) ashwaganda (which is specifically touted on the can).

While the folks behind Crunk!!! don’t make any medical claims, the ingredients in each can promise to aid memory, well-being, virility, calmness, aches, pain, and more. Not exactly anything we’d consider “crunk-like,” but no matter… it’s just a name, right?

crunk energy stix 176x300 Review: Crunk!!! Energy Drink and Energy StixAvailable in five flavors, each 16 oz. can is lightly carbonated and has 240 calories and 96mg of caffeine. (There’s also Energy Stix… more on that later.)

Crunk!!! Original is flavored with pomegranate but has a distinct overly sweetened and cloying cough syrup character to it. Perhaps it’s just what the average Crunk!!! fan desires? Not terribly enticing. D+

Crunk!!! Grape-Acai is better but quite sour, and fans of grape-flavored drink will likely find it not sweet enough for regular consumption. Tolerable, though. C+

Crunk!!! Mango-Peach is a fairly winning combination of flavors. The taste is light and reasonably fruity. I could see finishing this whole can if I had to. B

Crunk!!! Citrus is the lemon-lime version, but it’s closer to Mountain Dew than 7-Up. Powerful bitterness on the finish; the fruit juice in this one just can’t overpower the herbs and additives. C

Crunk!!! Low Carb Sugar Free is the diet version of Crunk!!! Original, with just 10 calories instead of 240. Sadly, it smells altogether awful (think a football field after a long rainstorm) and tastes only marginally better. D-

Crunk!!! Energy Stix is another beast altogether. These Pixie Stix-like packs are designed to be ripped open and dropped right on your tongue. I tried one (10 calories) and found it to be only mildly unpleasant, though the powder is easy to inhale and can give you a bit of a headache. C+ / $3 for pack of two sticks

As for the “rush,” I’d say all forms of Crunk!!! have a pretty standard caffeine hit, and contrary to the company’s claims there is a crash some hours later.

$44 for case of 24 16-oz. cans / crunkenergydrink.com

crunk energy drink Review: Crunk!!! Energy Drink and Energy Stix

Review: Bacardi Classic Cocktails Strawberry Daiquiri and Pina Colada

So-called “instant” cocktails don’t have to be bad. I mean, they usually are, but they don’t have to be.

Bacardi, which makes a pretty good instant mojito, has now released two new pre-mixed cocktail flavors, a strawberry daiquiri and a pina colada. As with the mojito flavor, these use real ingredients, not malt liquor and artificial flavors (well, not just artificial flavors), in the mix. Just pour over ice and you’re ready to go (and leftovers have to go in the fridge). Both are 30 proof. Here’s how they measure up.

Bacardi Strawberry Daiquiri suffers from the curse of most strawberry-flavored spirits products in that it tastes awfully saccharine and cough syrupy. Something akin to Hi-C, this concoction is bright pink (not red), you might not believe that this has real rum, lime, sugar, and strawberries in it. It’s not really bad, but anyone expecting something truly tropical will be disappointed. This tastes more like a cosmopolitan than anything else I can think of. C+ / $14

Bacardi Pina Colada is made from rum, pineapple, and real coconut water. Sounds good so far, and sure enough this bad boy is a much bigger success. While the color is more of a translucent, milky white and not the rich, creamy pearl of a real pina colada, it’s close enough for a quickie. The flavor is heavy on the pineapple, with coconut in more of a supporting role, but both are there and both are authentic, with no chemical grossness to be found. It may not quite look the part (blending it with ice will probably be more effective, but more work), it at least tastes about right. B+ / $14

bacardi.com

bacardi strawberry and pina colada Review: Bacardi Classic Cocktails Strawberry Daiquiri and Pina Colada

Review: The Perfect Puree Beverage Artistry Mixers

The Perfect Puree has recently added a series of pre-blended mixes of primarily fruit juice, simple syrup, and other goodies to its pre-squeezed fruit juice base offerings, a collection which ranges from banana to strawberry.

Beverage Artistry’s “Premium Blends” offer eight bases you can use to make high-end cocktails without having to buy, cut, squeeze, and blend an endless supply of fruits for their juice… and where does one obtain fresh passion fruit or yuzu, anyway?

Here are thoughts on the entire line of eight Beverage Artistry mixers, which I’ve spent the last several months toying with on their own and in a variety of cocktails. Life is rough.

Mixers must be refrigerated and can be frozen before use (or for use in blended drinks).

Rum Runner – a mix of banana, pineapple, orange, blackberry, and key lime juices — quite delicious, but lends itself (as the name implies) to alcohol-heavy cocktails; beware of over-spiking! A-

El Corazon – passion fruit, pomegranate, and blood orange – a real winner, lovely tropical flavors, and very versatile; tastes authentic and yummy; my favorite of the bunch. A

Mojito – mostly lime – a little too mild; I wouldn’t go out of my way to use this mix when real lime and mint isn’t that hard to obtain. B+

White Sangria – pineapple, peach, tangerine, lemon, and lime – pleasant tasting but a bit too sweet, even for sangria; oddly, too heavy-handed with the lime. B

Red Sangria - apple, pear, strawberry, orange, passion fruit, lime, and elderflower – hardly a traditional sangria mix, and also too sweet; very tropical in flavor, and a little goes a long way in your wine. B

Passion Colada – coconut, pineapple, and passion fruit – quite tasty, with good tropical and coconut flavor, but the yellowish color of the mix can tend toward unappealing. B+

Yuzu Luxe Sour – yuzu, Meyer lemon, key lime, and tangerine – tart and complex; more versatile than you might think, and quite good. A-

Classic Sweet & Sour – sugar, lemon, lime, and orange – extremely green due to food coloring, and way, way, way too sweet, not enough sour. B-

each $25 per quart (32 oz.) / perfectpuree.com

the perfect puree beverage artistry mixers Review: The Perfect Puree Beverage Artistry Mixers

Review: AMP Energy Juice

You’ve undoubtedly heard the radio commercials by now. AMP is billed as “the spark that ignites and kick-starts the day,” 100 percent juice with added caffeine and other pick-me-ups. Basically a way to drink Red Bull in the morning without the embarassment.

AMP comes in two flavors, both featuring 100% juice plus taurine, guarana, caffeine, lycopene, and some of your standard vitamins (C, E, Niacin, B6, B5, and Pantothenic Acid).

AMP Orange is actually a mix of orange and white grape juice and it’s clear from the first sip that it’s not all orange. In fact, it’s pretty watery, and doesn’t really taste very orange-like. It’s not unpleasant, but the effect is more of an “orange drink” than real juice — though at least it’s easy to knock down. B

AMP Mixed Berry may surprise you, as it’s also made up of… orange and white grape juice, plus artificial and natural flavors. It’s tart and saccharine tasting, much less palatable than the orange version — and mixed berry only in the sense that there are vague fruit flavors mixed into the bottle. C-

Your pick-me-up mileage may vary.

about $3 per 12-oz. bottle / ampenergy.com

Review: Tequila Tamer Sangrita

Whenever I drink tequila, I love to have it with a shot of sangrita on the side. The problem: You’ll only find sangrita on the menu at fancier Mexican restaurants and tequila bars. I presume most Mexican joints don’t sell it not because it’s hard to make but because most diners have no idea what it is, and would presume that someone misspelled “sangria” on the menu.

Sangrita, like pasta sauces and salsas, comes in infinite varieties and its recipe is often a closely-guarded secret by its creators. The recipe comes down to various citrus juices plus chiles or hot sauce. The inclusion of tomato juice is a hotly contested topic. Most sangritas that I’ve encountered include it — and I think it enhances the character of the drink. Either way, you consume it in alternate sips with your quality tequila, as they are each meant to enhance the experience of the other.

This lesson is a long way of telling you that Tequila Tamer is a bottled sangrita. Now any tequila enthusiast would tell you that the only way to go is to make your own sangrita from scratch, but I’ll be honest: Tequila Tamer is pretty good for a premixed sangrita. It’s heavy on citrus, light on the spice, and light on the tomato (although tomato juice is the first ingredient). It’s sweeter than most sangritas, probably due to the inclusion of pomegranate syrup instead of pomegranate juice, but my suspicion is that this allows the sangrita to keep from spoiling longer. It also makes it a little too berry-flavored for my liking, but on the whole it’ll do in a pinch.

B / $15 per 32 oz. bottle (with party tray and glasses shown below, $140) / tequilatamer.com

tequila tamer Review: Tequila Tamer Sangrita

Review: RedEye Texas Style Bloody Mary Mixes

There’s no shame in using a mix to start your Bloody Mary. The last thing any hangover-inflicted drinker wants to deal with on a Sunday morning is tracking down the various and sometimes esoteric ingredients that go into the typical Bloody recipe. Pick your favorite mix, drop a bottle in the fridge, and don’t worry about it.

RedEye produces six various mixes, all natural with an awful lot of tomato, pepper, and other spices. It’s a good looking mix, with visible spice bits in a thick base. We tried four of the six available varieties. Comments follow.

RedEye Original: Plenty of spice. Thick, big tomato sauce flavor. Good kick, all around solid, with a very traditional, if hot, Bloody Mary flavor. B+

RedEye Outlaw: Perhaps a touch thinner in consistency. Spicier, with red-pepper kick. Maybe 30 percent hotter than the Original if you’re looking for more more spice in your Bloody. The thinner consistency is actually easier to deal with. A-

RedEye Horseradish: You can definitely smell the horseradish, from a distance even. But overall it’s less spicy than the Outlaw version. About the same overall heat as the Original. Return to the thicker consistency. Similar flavor and texture to the Original, with a slight twist. B+

RedEye Habanero: Not nearly as hot as I’d expected it would be based on the promise of the hottest generally-available pepper in the mix, just a general warming as you sip it. Maybe 10 percent hotter than the Original, but the flavor is not as pleasant, with a tinge of bitterness to it. B

each $7 per quart / redeyebrand.com

redeye bloody mary mixes Review: RedEye Texas Style Bloody Mary Mixes

Samovar’s Valentine’s Day Romance Tea Set

I like tea. I would like to drink more tea. Maybe a loved one should give me something like this for Valentine’s Day to encourage said tea drinking.*

Samovar Tea Lounge bundles three of its most “seductive and sensuous” teas into one box, offering four-ounce cans of each along with a mesh infuser that fits in your mug. The three teas are all pretty good: Maiden’s Ecstasy, a Pu-erh tea, is perhaps my favorite of the trio, rich and earthy but lightly sweet. The green tea, Jasmine Pearl, is traditional in flavor but comes packed into little balled-up leaves that unfold as they steep. Finally there’s Wild Rose Bai Mudan, which includes wild grasses and rose petals — not my favorite as it’s overly perfumy, but not a bad change of pace vs. chamomile.

*Loved ones please do not give me this. I already have it.

$79 / samovarlife.com

Samovar Gift Box Samovars Valentines Day Romance Tea Set

Review: Allday Energy Shot

All day I’ve felt barely awake… so an “energy shot” was probably in order to feel awake enough to make it through the evening.

Allday Energy (their spelling) relies on L-Carnitine, L-Arginine, and D-Ribose — three things I’ve never heard of — to pump you up. Presumably lots of caffeine, too.

Naturally, that comes at a price. While the company claims it is delicious, Allday Energy is really quite awful, like cough syrup mixed with Kool-Aid… a difficult combination to stomach. I got it down eventually and, I’m happy to report, I finally woke up… but that might also have been thanks to the three pieces of pizza I sucked down. (And yet, I can still taste the Allday Energy, several hours later.)

Based on this limited testing, I can’t tell you if Allday Energy is any better at waking you up than other energy shots… but I can assure you it is one of the less delicious shots out there.

B- / $2.99 per 2 oz. shot / alldayenergy.net

allday energy Review: Allday Energy Shot

Review: Fever Stimulation Beverages

Tonight you’ll be consuming vast quantities of alcohol (remember one for your homies at Drinkhacker, y’all), so what better way to prep for the festivities than by downing something to up the level of your game.

That’s the theory, anyway, of Fever, which aims to “Make Healthy Sexy,” with its collection of herbal, non-carbonated beverages designed to “stimulate the body.” (Some say that’s code for aphrodisiac… you be the judge.)

They aren’t energy drinks, mind you, but herbal-infused concoctions that include such ingredients as Epidmedium brevicornum Maxim DeL, Clavo Huasca, and Pfaffia paniculata MK. Mostly exotic herbs, they’re designed to promote “pleasure, euphoria, and anti-oxidation.”

Three versions are currently on the market, each with natural caffeine from green tea and containing 260 calories in each (very, very cold) 16-oz. can.

Mango Banana tastes like neither of its namesakes, but it has a chalky texture and a muted banana finish that makes it at least hint at the yellow fruit. All versions of Fever have a bit of bitterness to them — almost certainly the result of all the herbal infusions — hence the need for big fruit flavors to make them more palatable. Mango and banana may not be enough. C

Kiwi Strawberry packs a more teen-friendly punch, berry in the body but with a raisin-like finish that makes it a bit less pleasant. C-

Pineapple Coconut is arguably my favorite of this bunch, a pina colada wannabe that is hefty on the coconut, which helps to mask some of those bitter herbal notes. B

As for the functional claims of the drink, ultimately I’m feeling about as “stimulated” as usual… but mostly I just want to find something to get this taste out of my mouth.

each $2.50 per 16-oz. can / feverusa.com

fever stimulation beverage Review: Fever Stimulation Beverages

Review: Cuca Fresca Cachaca and Caipirinha

It’s been a while — too long, perhaps — since we sampled a new cachaca at Drinkhacker HQ, but Cuca Fresca has arrived to our watering palates.

Cuca Fresca Cachaca - This unaged Brazilian rum is intensely fragrant, filling the room with sweet lime notes. The body is more typical of cachaca, with that smoky character that all young cachaca tends to have, but it’s balanced by a good amount of sweetness and citrus. The finish is light and even refreshing, something I rarely say about cachaca. A great choice for starting your caipirinhas. 80 proof. A- / $18

Cuca Fresca Classic Caiprinha – Don’t want the trouble of mixing lime and sugar with your cachaca to make a caiprinha? Pour this pre-mixed version directly on the rocks. This 44-proof concoction claims only natural ingredients — cachaca, lime, and sugar (which settles on the bottom of the bottle — shake well!) — so I had awfully high hopes. It certainly doesn’t taste bad, but it’s a little heavy on the sweet and doesn’t have enough lime for my tastes. It’ll work in a pinch, but it’s unfortunately not really a substitute for the real deal. (When is it ever?) Note that the cork-topped bottle tends to leak when shaken. Cuidado! B / $18 per 1-liter bottle

cucafrescaspirit.com

Cuca Fresca Premium Cachaça Review: Cuca Fresca Cachaca and Caipirinha

Review: Purista Instant Mojito Mixes

Premixed cocktails are always a dicey proposition, and Purista’s two new mixers probably aren’t going to win any overnight fans.

Offering two spins on a theme — a traditional Mojito and a Blackberry Mojito — these mixes promise they are “hand-crafted” creations made with premium ingredients: In the case of the former, all-natural ingredients including sugar cane juice, mint leaves, key lime juice, and natural flavors.

Surprise then that, when mixed in the proportions recommended by the bottle (1 part mix, 1 part white rum, 2 parts club soda), a Purista Mojito doesn’t taste like much. In my experiments, it mostly tasted like club soda, maybe with the lightest touch of rum and lime. Really no mint at all. Doubling up on Purista mix helped, but quickly caused me to overdo it, turning the normally refreshing mojito cocktail into something far too sweet — and again, lacking in mintiness. C+

The Blackberry Mojito mix (a deep purple which adds blackberry juice as its only additional ingredient) is even less forgiving, sour in small proportions and worse in larger ones. While the standard Purista can be doctored, this one doesn’t work no matter what you do to it. D+

$10 per 750ml bottle / puristacocktails.com