Yes, this is a review of a bag of ice. No, it’s not ice made out of diamonds and pixie dusts, it’s just ice. From water.

And yes, I was skeptical too. Premium ice? At $4 a bag, On the Rocks is about four times as pricey as your average supermarket ice. But the company has a compelling story that might make you consider buying a bag.

First off: According to On the Rocks, supermarket ice has no FDA oversight. Who knows what you’re really getting in those thin bags. On the Rocks is made from spring water, follows the FDA requirements for bottled water, and comes in a tough, tamper-resistant plastic bag that won’t rip when you heft it out of your trunk. It’s also resealable… not that that helps when your wife instead rips it open from the bottom.

Of course, the big sell here is taste: If you spend a lot of money on super-premium spirits, then drop a few ice cubes in, what might you be doing to the subtle flavor of the drink? Appearance is another selling point. Though On the Rocks cubes have a somewhat unnatural cylindrical shape with a hole in the middle, they are much nicer looking than both the irregular chunks you get with supermarket ice and far better than the awkward crescents that come out of your refrigerator’s ice maker. But best of all, the ice is frosty looking in the freezer, but once it gets wet it’s totally clear, which makes for a very attractive presentation for rocks drinks.

The flavor is as pure as promised. I have tried it in cocktails and even melted a few cubes (they melt slowly) to drink the water straight. It’s as totally flavorless as water gets, which is perfect. If your local tap water has a funky smell or is heavily chlorinated, you’ll probably do well to keep a bag of On the Rocks ice stashed in your freezer. It’s not something you need to use all the time; but it’s quite striking for special occasions. One bag goes an awfully long way.

The ice is currently only on sale in a few specialty shops in New England. Check the website for new additions.

A / $4  per five-pound bag / iceisfood.com

Premixed cocktails are usually a mixed bag. In fact, they’re hardly cocktails at all but rather heavily carbonated malt liquor, watered down to about 6 or 8 percent alcohol and flavored with a variety of components that can be either reasonably tasty or very nasty.

Bacardi (which makes it share of the aforementioned malt liquor drinks) offers something new with the Bacardi Classic Cocktail Mojito, a pre-mixed cocktail that continues to build on the Mojito craze, the drink that simply will not die.

Thankfully, this is something new. Bacardi Classic Cocktail Mojito is 15 percent alcohol and made from real rum and natural flavors, not leftover King Cobra.

The taste is surprisingly good, with real rum, lime, and mint present all in the glass. The sugar flavor is a little off, tasting more saccharine than it should, but overall it’s quite pleasant. Note that the drink is not carbonated (a traditional Mojito includes club soda), so you might want to add a little if you need fizz… but then you’ll probably want to add rum too, to compensate.

This would be a fine item to serve at a party when you don’t have time to make fresh cocktails and guests aren’t expecting the world out of you. Just pour it over crushed ice and add some fresh mint and maybe a squeeze of fresh lime… most people won’t know the difference.

B / $20 (1.75-liter bottle) / bacardi.com

We haven’t reviewed coffee on this blog yet, but a pack of Weaver’s beans showed up out of the blue… we had to try them once we opened the bag!

John Weaver is a former master roaster for Peet’s Coffee, a San Francisco institution and the only real competitor to Starbucks in these parts. He’s on his own now, buying and roasting his own beans under his own label.

I tried Weaver’s “The Blend,” and it’s a real treat. Though I’m not the obsessive coffee drinker than many of you surely are, I found The Blend to make one of the best home-brewed cups of coffee I’d ever encountered. Rich without being bitter and acidic, it’s a heady brew that literally filled the house with chocolaty and woody aroma when we ground the beans. I take coffee with a touch of sugar, which balanced things perfectly. The dense nuttiness was just right with a little sweetness on top of it.

Weaver’s is available online at the website below. Give it a try, coffee fans, and let me know what you think. As for me, I know what’s going to be the start of my Irish Coffee henceforth.

A / $15 per pound / weaverscoffee.com

You’ve probably seen these pastel-toned, mini-sized premixed cocktails (typically in a little, hat-box-looking tote package) at the grocery store. Cocktails by Jenn seem to be on sale everywhere. With enticing Lemon Drop, Cosmo, Appletini, and “Tropical Blue Lagoon” (to round out the color palette), look good on the shelf. But how do they taste?

Unlike most of these types of drinks, Cocktails by Jenn are premixed with alcohol, coming in at about 20 percent alcohol: Less than a typical cocktail, but considerably more than a Zima.

I tried two flavors — Appletini and Lemon Drop — both available in new 750ml bottles. Both were plenty drinkable, but neither was impressive to the point where it matched the real thing. (Though what is a “real” Appletini, anyway?”)

The Lemon Drop is quite straightforward, a burst of lemon followed by a harsh, alcoholic aftertaste. Blend lemon juice, sugar, and some cheap vodka and you’ve got the essence of this drink. Not awful, but you could probably do better by yourself. B

The Appletini flavor was a far bigger disappointment, but for an opposite reason: It simply had no character at all. Any apple tone (even that saccharine flavor of Apple Pucker) is just barely present. Mostly you just get that standard, cheap-vodka flavor, with just a hint of appleness. Try juicing it up with an extra shot of Apple Pucker and you’re in for a better treat… though you could always do that with plain vodka if you wanted. C+

$15 each / cocktailsbyjenn.com

Hangovers. I don’t like ‘em. You don’t like ‘em. Hangover remedies are legion, of course, but those with the most promise are the ones that promise you never get the hangover to begin with.

Enter Cheerz,  a little shot-sized vial of green liquid that, when consumed while you drink alcohol, promises to eliminate hangovers and provide “morning after vitality.”

You are supposed to drink a vial with every three to four “standard adult beverages,” so after three glasses of wine last night I sucked one down. First try was unrefrigerated, a mistake. Cheerz is difficult on the palate, to say the least: It’s sickly sweet like lemon-lime syrup at first, then you realize that’s to mask a severe bitterness underneath. The aftertaste is harsh, and drinking this in one big gulp (difficult due to the tiny mouth of the bottle) is the only way to do it, and the colder the better. (You can also use it as a mixer in cocktails; I didn’t try this, but it may work better than the one-slug method.)

Immediately after finishing the dose I felt nauseous. I had to lie down, in fact. The feeling passed after 15 minutes, but it was disconcerting… especially with that aftertaste lingering the whole time.

Come morning, I felt no better or worse than I normally do, but certainly not hungover in the slightest, though to be honest I didn’t drink enough for a real hangover (and rarely do). I can report that while I had trouble sleeping in general thanks to a nagging cough, I’ve been remarkably productive all day today. So maybe there’s something to this after all. Still, the taste and initial nausea might make it tough for me to take again.
What’s in Cheerz that makes it work? Succinic acid, glucose, L-glutamine, malic acid, N-acetyl L-cysteine, L-alanine, and milk thistle seed extract. I don’t know what any of that stuff means, really, but there you have it. You can read all about it on the Cheerz website (see below). Cheerz is also available in pill form.

If anyone else out there tries the stuff (especially after a heavier night of drinking), please let me know or post a comment below! I expect individual mileage may vary pretty wildly.

B- / $24 for six 1.5 oz. bottles / cheerzhangover.com

Yes, even I am sometimes too lazy to juice a lime… and sometimes pineapple juice and fresh mint is not in the house. While the idea of prepackaged mixers is a little off-putting to most mixologists, the notion of organic ones has a certain appeal. When am I going to get organic pineapple juice or lavender, after all?

Modmix produces five mixers and I’ve given them all a try. Overall I’m impressed. While they aren’t all home runs, I wouldn’t hesitate keeping one or two in the fridge in case of a cocktail emergency. Just drop in a shot of liquor and two shots of mixer (adjust proportions to taste), shake with ice, and you’re good to go with a cocktail you may not otherwise be able to pull off on short notice.

From favorite to least:

French Martini - A nice pineapple, raspberry, and lemon mix. I’d like a bit more pineapple in the blend, but this one tastes like the real thing, and way better than anything made with  canned pineapple juice. A-

Citrus Margarita - Lime and orange, can’t go wrong here. Tastes like a fresh margarita plus OJ. This one is highly dependent on the tequila you put in it, so aim high. A-

Lavender Lemon Drop - The lavender is lost in this one, but otherwise it is a very reliable, if tart, lemon drop. B+

Mojito - Mojitos don’t really work without mint leaves in the glass, no matter how good the mint syrup you use is. Modmix’s is as good as any, but the real thing is still considerably better. B

Pomegranate Cosmopolitan - Don’t ask me how but somehow this mix of pomegranate, orange, and lemon juice smells and tastes a lot like V8. It’s also a rather hideous brown color (the product shot below is a little misleading), making for an all around unpleasant experience. C-

$11 each / modmixbeverages.com

Considering the amount of Red Bull that’s likely consumed on the premises of the Playboy Mansion, making his own Playboy Energy Drink would probably save Hef enough money that it’d be a good business venture even if they didn’t sell it to the public.

Besides, the world might quit spinning if it failed to churn out a continuing supply of new “energy” drinks in tiny cans, and Playboy’s take is exactly what you’re expecting, a syrupy, fruity, in-your-face concoction that’s best consumed when loaded with alcohol. While I find most such drinks fairly repugnant, Playboy’s grows on you after you get through about half the 8.4-ounce can. Imagine a carbonated Hi-C spiked with two shots of Mountain Dew, a tablespoon of pure honey, and a ginseng kicker. That description may not sell you on the stuff, I realize, but it’s not as bad as it sounds, and it tastes much better than it smells. (Mixed with vodka, as it’s almost surely intended, the taste is almost uncannily like cough syrup.)

Caffeine gives the Playboy Energy Drink its “energy,” but a concoction of herbs and stuff are also on hand to ensure you’re getting your money’s worth. Among them: the ubiquitous taurine, guarana, ginseng, glucuronolactone (yes!), and, of course, horny goat weed extract. I’m sure horny goat weed was chosen solely for its energizing powers (it was “used in Chinese history as a stimulating herb and muscle relaxer”) and not at all for its innuendo.

Oh, and Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra, and Nicole Scherzinger are all fans.

The drink is due on store shelves soon in both regular (reviewed above) and sugar-free varieties.

B- / price TBD / playboyenergy.com

As previously promised, here is your coverage of the flipside of the Jones Soda Christmas Pack: The Jones Soda Chanukah Pack, loaded with four bottles of pop: Apple Sauce Soda, Latke Soda, Jelly Doughnut Soda, and Chocolate Coins Soda, plus a plastic dreidel. Here’s how they stack up against the gentiles.

Apple Sauce: I eased into things with an easy one. Surprisingly like apple sauce (and not just apple juice), quite authentic, like someone somehow carbonated and liquified apple sauce. B

Latke: Yes, I’d been warned. The smell wasn’t heinous, and quite a bit like potato pancake. It didn’t smell all that bad, unlike the Christmas Ham soda from the Xmas pack. But one taste and your mind is changed. It tastes not like potatoes but potato juice, like that stuff on the plate after you microwave a baking potato for 12 minutes. And it looks like potato juice, too. Rancid, oh-so-disgusting. D-

Jelly Doughnut: Is this really a key component of Chanukah? Anyway, the soda really does taste like jelly, not so much like doughnuts. What kind of jelly is hard to describe. Maybe strawberry, but mostly just chemical goo that’s been fermented a bit, perhaps. Not bad, but the electric pink color is off-putting. B

Chocolate Coins: Actually tastes better than those waxy, low-grade chocolate coins you get. Not bad, a lot like a pumped-up (and strong) chocolate soda or a carbonated Yoo-Hoo. Not that I want to finish off the bottle, mind you. B+

So there you have it. Chanukah edges out Christmas by a narrow margin, though both have their ups and downs. What the hell, I heartily recommend you give them both a try. Save the Latke and Ham sodas for whatever adult parlor games you have planned for after everyone’s done with dinner.

$12 per mixed four-pack / jonessoda.com

Yes, Virginia, there is life beyond Mountain Dew. Renown for its Turkey & Gravy and Brussels Sprouts carbonated concoctions released for the holidays, Jones Soda (motto: “I dare you.”) has come up with two new packs for 2007, one for Christmas and one for Chanukah, each containing four bottles of curiously holiday-flavored soda. In this first post, I’ll tackle the Christmas pack. Rest assured, Chanukah will be coming up soon… I’ve already been warned about the Latke Soda.

The limited edition pack includes four bottles: Christmas Tree Soda, Christmas Ham Soda, Egg Nog Soda, and Sugar Plum Soda. I tackled them in that order.

Christmas Tree: Definitely odd, not terrible. It tastes like it’s lost its fizz, but maybe its the auto coolant-green color that’s messing with my mind. Tastes less like an actual Christmas tree and more like a car air freshener in the shape of one. C

Christmas Ham: The main event, to be sure, and exactly what you’re expecting. It doesn’t taste like ham, it tastes rancid, salty sweet, and just plain nasty. I take comfort in the fact that it is kosher, so there’s no actual ham in it. I took the rest of the bottle to a party that night. I highly recommend doing so just to check out the look on people’s faces when they take their one (and only) sip. F

Egg Nog: A surprising win. I probably wouldn’t drink it every day, but it’s got a nutmeg and eggy flavor that isn’t all that bad, and I dislike eggnog greatly. Sweet, but not overly so. B+

Sugar Plum: Emphasis on sugar. Tastes like chemical blueberry over plum, more like a liquefied Pop-Tart or something. Hard to get through the bottle, but kids will dig it. B-

So there you have it. I don’t feel too bad panning some of these because I think Jones Soda would agree they aren’t really meant to be consumed. They are, however, meant to be purchased: A minimum of $10,000 of the proceeds of sales of this pack will go to Toys for Tots. So buy some… and drink up if you dare.

$12 per mixed four-pack / jonessoda.com

Like most people, I love the idea of “drinking healthy.” I’ve always called the Cape Cod (vodka and cranberry) the “healthy way to drink.” Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers? You bet. But there may be no healthier mixer on the world right now (unless you’re having a wheatgrass and rum, maybe), than the new juice called Purple.

Purple is a blend of seven — yes, seven — antioxidant-packed juices, including acai, black cherry, pomegranate, black currant, plum, cranberry, and blueberry juices. The drink is indeed decidedly purple when you crack the 10 oz. bottle open.

Some may scoff at the smallish bottle, but believe me, Purple is best in small doses. There’s no way I could drink a whole bottle of this stuff in one sitting. The flavor is a bit like grape juice spiked with wheatgrass. There’s a bare amount of sweetness here, but you have to fight to get to it. The aftertaste is pretty thick. In a nutshell, it tastes healthy.

On it’s own, I’m not a huge fan. But as a mixer, Purple offers some interesting possibilities. You could simply sub it for cranberry juice in any recipe, and sure enough it tastes fine with regular vodka to spice it up. But I found a number of better combinations that taste much more inspired.

Flavored vodka (try Stoli Blueberry) really worked well. Interestingly, your standard brandy was a good mixer, too. I was less of a fan when I tried cachaça.

For something really unique, try mixing it with an absinthe or absinthe substitute. If you like licorice, the Purple really brings it out , while cutting the Purple aftertaste completely. I am not sure how much I could drink of it though before tiring of the taste… and I love absinthe.

But my absolute favorite was to add Soho lychee-flavored liqueur. The sweetness balances the tart Purple perfectly, plus you get the perfume of lychees as well. This was just about perfect.

Purple is currently on sale in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami, and spreading nationwide this fall. A 10 oz. bottle costs $4. You can visit the company’s website at drinkpurple.com.