I’ve seen some weird stuff in my day, but Spike Your Juice is pretty much the strangest of them all.
Put simply, Spike Your Juice is a system for turning ordinary fruit juice into good old-fashioned hooch. Inside the colorful box you’ll find a few little mystery packets. You pour the packets into an off-the-shelf 64-ounce bottle of fruit juice (no artificial sweeteners, no refrigerated juice — essentially that means cranberry or grape juice — and let ‘er rip. You stop up the bottle with an included airlock, and wait 48 hours. Presto, you’ve got booze.
OK, the mystery should be easy to solve. What’s in the little packet is yeast (plus a little extra sugar), and that yeast goes to work on all the sugar in the juice in relatively short order. It takes only a few hours for the juice to start bubbling and blurping a gray/purple scum into the airlock, and it’s clear Spike Your Juice is hard at work. The juice is said to reach a maximum of 14% alcohol, putting it on par with wine. That’s right folks, you’re making homemade pruno, sans the dirty socks and the trash bag.
What does the end result of Spike Your Juice taste like? It’s surprisingly fizzy on the tongue, and it has a clear alcohol bite. But it’s sweet — at least after the first two days (the company says it will become drier the longer you let it sit). At first, not unpleasant — like a really cheap red wine that’s been bottled by someone with dirty hands — and then the aftertaste gets you. Musty and funky, it’s got a kick that, as my aunt used to say, will bite you back.
I can still taste it.
Rating this one just does not make sense, as I can only see it being attempted out of morbid curiosity, a dare, or both. Supposedly hugely popular in Europe.
$10 for six packets (enough for 3 gallons of hooch) plus airlock / spikeyourjuice.com
Subtitled “99 Ways to Feel 100 Times Better,” this slim tome (just 99 pages long including the index) is a straightforward list of recipes and advice for correcting the worst part of drinking: the hangover.
The advice is split into three sections – before, during, and after you drink – and the advice varies from simple to obtuse. Lots of this stuff you already know: Drink lots of water. Take B vitamins. Don’t drink too much.
Some of the advice will likely be new to you: Drink a mixture of blended lettuce, broccoli, and spinach. Eat celery to help with nausea. Gin and tonic is a depressant.
Still more of the advice is contrary to what you probably think you know: Don’t take pain relievers in the morning. Caffeine is bad for hangovers.
Even more of the advice you can safely dismiss: Use crystals to help recovery the next day.
Some of the advice isn’t hangover advice at all: Drinking is fattening.
There’s no telling how much of this information is legit, but it mostly sounds OK and the bulk of it comes down to not drinking too much and making sure you eat lots of fruit and vegetables during your recovery. Good advice, I suppose, provided you’ve read this tome and stocked up well before that big night out gets underway.
C / $10 / [BUY IT HERE]
Some people swear by the “don’t mix alcohols” or “only clear alcohols” technique in their quest to avoid a hangover. Now scientists say they have a new method for limiting the negative effects of alcohol consumption: Imbuing alcohol with oxygen bubbles.
The drinks with the added oxygen content sobered people up 20-30 minutes faster, under the influence of the rather potent alcohol they used for the trials. 20% alcohol is around the strength of fortified wine, soju, or a very strong mixed drink, so while shaving a half hour off your drunken tomfoolery might not seem a great deal, when you’re trying to fall asleep at night and combating the spins, you’ll appreciate it.
The researchers also asked what would change if someone were to drink multiple oxygen-enriched drinks over the course of the night. Would there be a cumulative effect? Again, the answer was yes: People who drank oxygenated booze had less severe and fewer hangovers than people who drank the non-fizzy stuff.
Remember, we’re talking about oxygen bubbles, not CO2, which is what most carbonation is composed of, so don’t go guzzling Jack and Coke and assume you’ll be all well in the morning.
ResQwater is a clear beverage in a single-serve bottle, meant to be consumed “before, during, or after” a hangover… though the name would certainly imply it’s here to rescue you once you’ve already been struck down.
Sweet and a little syrupy, it’s fortified with N-acetyl L-cysteine, fructose, prickly pear juice, vitamins B1, B6, phosphorus, sodium, and potassium, all in a water base. It’s a rather simple recipe for what is usually a complicated category, but hey, maybe simple actually works better in this case.
ResQwater’s problem is not so much its taste — the fructose used as a sweetener is a little jarring, but palatable, and the “natural apricot tea flavor” is recognizable only through the tiny type on the label — but rather its consistency. It’s a lot thicker than it looks, syrupy and almost a little slimy in its character. That worked against me this morning when, feeling less than 100 percent, I found ResQwater was fine at first but soon became difficult to drink. Ultimately I gave up after finishing only half the 16 oz. bottle.
Yet maybe 8 ounces is all it takes. I wouldn’t say I had a crushing hangover this morning, but I was certainly operating at less than full strength. An hour later, I was feeling fine. Go figure.
B- / $14 for four 16-oz. bottles / resqwater.com
Go Time is a rarity in hangover relief products: You take it the morning after, rather than while you’re drinking or before you go to bed — when no one ever remembers to take these things. No, Go Time is intended for use when you’re suffering at rock bottom.
It also benefits from being not a drink you have to choke down but a pill, a kind of scary-looking blue capsule that, when opened, is filled with what looks like sawdust. Just swallow one down with some water (take two for “extreme” hangovers, we’re told) and that’s all it takes.
Had a few drinks last night and this morning was decidedly sluggish. Popped a Go Time and, you know, I did feel better, and have been alert and fine all day (though nine hours later I’m feeling a bit of a crash coming on). What to credit in Go Time for this? It’s full of upteen ingredients, only a few of which I know what they are: vitamins C, B1, riboflavin, B6, B12, dextrose, glutamic acid, succinic acid, cinchona bark, guava leaf extract, fumaric acid, magnesium trisilicate, L-cystein, caffeine (less than a cup of coffee, they say), and alpha lipoic acid. That’s a lot of acid, but hey, I’m feeling pretty good.
A- / $3 per pack of two capsules / gotime-hangover-products.com
For all whom I might offend tonight, I offer a preemptive apology in the style of these high-society Chinese gentlemen… from the year 856.
Click through for the elaborate original. Here it is translated…
Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realised what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.
THC The Hangover Cure — yes, the name is completely coincidental — comes in powder form, contained in a long tube. You mix it with water — 12 to 16 oz. — and guzzle it down after “a night of debauchery” and before bed.
What’s inside? A whole bunch of stuff: Supersized doses of vitamin C, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, B6, B12, panothenic acid, calcium, magnesium, zinc, manganese, chromium, sodium, potassium, l-cysteine, l-glutamine, and that age-old additive, milk thistle extract.
Sounds good, but consuming THC is tricky at the end of a night. A pint of chalky, vaguely Hawaiian Punch-flavored water is a lot to ask of someone with four or five drinks in him, and getting this whole dose down before bed wasn’t the easiest accomplishment of my night.
As for the effectiveness? It didn’t feel like THC did much for me after a long night at the Rickhouse — I experienced difficult sleep and had a nagging headache the next day. But maybe it would have been even worse had I not had the THC? Oh man, God help me.
B- / $20 for 6 doses / drinkthc.com