Drinkhacker Reads – 03.31.2014 – The Empire Strikes Back

“Rather than having one company dictate for everyone, we can do this the right way and come together in an open forum to discuss how to create the best standards for Tennessee whiskey.” – Guy Smith IV, VP For Diageo

This quote from last week came from Diageo, which seemed to have accepted a ruling from the Tennessee State Legislature declining to make modifications to the official definition of what constitutes a Tennessee whisky. In doing the neighborly thing to foster good relations with the state, Diageo has… wait for it… decided to sue the state. Claiming the ruling a violation of the Constitution’s Commerce Clause and the 14th Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause, the spirits mega-conglomerate has decided to endear themselves to lawmakers by seeking the ability to make their spirits in Tennessee and then age them elsewhere. According to SKU’s Recent Eats:

Things got ugly when the two lobbyists ran into each other after a press briefing. Brown Forman’s spokesman fired first, “Come on, Diageo can’t even spell the word whiskey right,” to which Diageo’s lobbyist responded, “Do you seriously think we should take direction from a whiskey brand whose founder was so dumb he died from kicking something too hard?”

We told you this wouldn’t go gently into the good night. [Courthouse News]

(Update 04.03.2014: While we were adequately April Fooled by SKU’s pre-mature March 31st, the story of Diageo taking the state of Tennessee is in fact true. The quotes from the executives are the portion of the story which are fictitious.)

For those tired of our Diageo coverage, we’ve got some other morsels for you, too.

Tequila baron George Clooney has partnered with spirits giant Sidney Frank to help boost marketing and coverage areas of his Casamigos brand. We’ve sampled their stuff and it’s good enough, but it certainly needs all the marketing help it can get if it wants to compete in the big leagues. [Drinks Report]

The 2014 edition of the World Whiskies Awards have announced its results, with a surprising best overall pick. [Just tried it. Amazing stuff. -Ed.] Which got us wondering when the San Francisco World Spirits competition were going to post its results. Our answer: April 9th. It’ll be interesting to see how much overlap there is between the two competitions. [World Whiskies Awards]

And finally today, in totally non-alcoholic news, researchers in Italy have discovered that a cup of Earl Grey could help prevent heart disease and lower cholesterol levels. Yet another reason to drink exclusively amber-tinted liquids. [The Independent]

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3 Responses to Drinkhacker Reads – 03.31.2014 – The Empire Strikes Back

  1. Sku’s post was satire. Those guys didn’t actually say those things. What they probably said was even dumber, but not as funny.

  2. Rob Theakston

    D’oh! Totally got “Onion”‘ed on that one!

  3. APRIL FOOLS! This is one of the best things all day!

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