Drinkhacker Reads – 01.16.2014 – Conan O’Brien: Beam Spokesman?

Not everyone is taking the Beam-Suntory merger so hard. In fact, there are several who stand to gain from such an alliance. One fellow who is trying is hardest to make his enthusiasm known is America’s favorite TBS Late Night Host, Conan O’Brien:

No word yet from Beam execs as to whether or not they’re interested.

In less classy news, Brown-Forman has taken to the internet to proudly exhibit their social media director’s poor grasp of global economics in a hysterical display of American exceptionalism by proclaiming to be “American Owned.” Hysterical coming from another company and owning brands beyond American borders. As the kids say, “epic fail” Brown-Forman. [WDRB]

However, if you’re really needing to figure out exactly which brands to boycott, here’s a handy chart courtesy of NPR’s Marketplace as to who owns what (though it’s missing a few big brands and their owners, including Campari-Wild Turkey). [NPR]

Elsewhere in the Beamosphere: Bloomberg profiles the potential risk of Suntory’s purchase, The New Yorker chimes in with its “thinkpiece,” and Forbes delves into the lack of details bondholders have been afforded throughout the week.

Elsewhere in the drinkosphere: Diageo is planning a £30M expansion of its Clynelish distillery, Diddy and Diageo (Diddageo?) (Diaggy?) are gearing up for a head-on celebrity tequila marketing battle with Justin Timberlake and Beam (Justin Beamory?), and the robot bartender (HAL Malone?)is being readied for launch shortly.

And finally today, the Smithsonian chimes in with its complete guide to hangovers. Not sure how many more times this story can be rewritten, but this one is thoroughly researched yet accessible and heavily linked with external information. [Smithsonian]

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